I Can Get all of These Tree Needles, Mama, Don’t Worry. I am a Good Helper.

I know that I took the broom from your hands when you were sweeping up all of those loose needles from our little Christmas tree when it came down, Mama. I know that you had it first, but I just couldn’t help myself and I took it so that I could help you out. I saw what you were doing sweeping, so don’t worry, I am sure that I can do it just like you were doing. I am a big, big helper, Mama, and I can get all of these needles into that big box that you call a “dustpan.” Just let me push them around a bit and they’ll get there. Some might go under the couch or the table, but I’ll sweep all those tree needles where you won’t see them anymore and you won’t have to worry about them. If you don’t see them, they aren’t there anymore. Okay, Mama? Am I hired?

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There are Trees Everywhere… How Can I Pick Just One?

This is me and my family with this year’s Christmas tree. Apparently it is a big deal for us to all go and pick out just the right tree for us every year to take home and to decorate for Christmas. I thought that it would be easy, but it was very, very hard., and everyone wanted for me to be the one who got our tree this year.

There are rows and rows and rows of trees, and it was too much for me to pick out just the right one even when they took two and showed them to me for me to pick. I walked right past them all into the open space at the back and decided to take the time to practice my walking steps instead.

They tried and tried to get me to go back to the rows to pick out our little tree, but I kept on walking, because that is what I do—I am my own agenda keeper and I had an agenda.

I did take the time to get on the giant carts made for hauling lots of things with my big sister Addie, my big, big sister Lilli and my giant brother Jonah, and Lilli gave us a push and we made it into a ride. That was fun until Mama told us that we could get into a bit of trouble and that they weren’t for riding. She told us that we needed to get back to the tree picking because that is why we were all there.

Finally Mama and Daddy picked one and asked us if it was a good one. It was a pretty little tree just the right size, so we all agreed, and it got trimmed up and put on top of our little Subaru car to go home.

Later, when the tree had stretched out and the branches had come out more, we put all of the lights and decorations on it. It was my turn to do the star, but I didn’t want to do it because I don’t like to have people show me what to do and I can’t follow directions that well yet, so my giant brother Jonah did it as if I had not come along it would have been his turn. He did have me touch it first, so I did help.

I also took a few of the ornaments off of the tree and put them back in the right places, so I decorated a bit too. You’re welcome, everyone, since I am now busy taking some of those extra needles with me when I tear the ornaments off of the tree over and over again. The bottom of the tree may look a bit bare this year because of my decorating, but that’s okay—it’s still our little Christmas tree and I have helped to make it our own. Love you, little tree.

I’m Going to have a Tea Party, Too! Historical Boston and the Round and Round Machine

Today was “history day” according to Mama and Daddy. Daddy tells me that Boston is a really old city and that it has a lot of history in the making of our country. All that I know is that where we went was beautiful all around us… both the old and the new.

We went to the Boston Common, Quincy Market, Faneuil Hall, the U.S.S. Constitution, and the site of the Boston Massacre, walking most of Boston’s Freedom Trail. There were a lot of fights a long time ago in Boston in order to make us our own country, and we walked over the ground at a lot of places where people fought and left the Earth in order to earn us that freedom. Our U.S.S. Constitution and our Declaration of Independence both came from this according to my Daddy, and he said that one day I would understand what those mean and that the things that I am able to do in our country came partially from the ground that we walked today. The spirit of Boston was here, and I could feel it, even though there were a lot of people walking around going to work who were so busy that they didn’t even seem to see everything around us. They appreciate it, though, I know, because are able to do all of those busy things because of the Founding Fathers, the fathers of all of us Americans, came before us and helped us to be able to do the things that we are able to do today.

After going through the old buildings full of food and shops, we went to a carousel. I have ridden a carousel with my big sister Addie at the museum a long time ago, but this was a big one that was outside and full of different types of animals. It wasn’t old like the other things that we had seen—it was new, and bright, and beautiful in a different way.

Mama, Daddy and me went on a ship that rocked back and forth since I am not big enough to go on the animals yet. It went really fast, but I wasn’t scared because I’m brave… well, maybe just a little scared, but I didn’t show it at all.

Then we went over a big bridge that Mama and Daddy said was scary because you could see the water below on part of it. Right before the scary water part, there was a sign on the ground saying “Acrophobia Friendly Zone,” which Mama and Daddy said was funny because that means a fear of heights.

We had to go over that bridge, though, to get to the U.S.S. Constitution and museum in the Charleston Navy Yard. Daddy was excited because he was in the Navy a long time ago and loves the history of the Navy, although he said that the boat that he was on was way newer and bigger than the Constitution and was called the USS Theodore Roosevelt, which is an “air craft carrier.” He says that I’ll get to see one of those someday, too.

All day I got to work on getting stamps in my little National Passport Book from the National Park Service. Mama and Daddy got me one in California so that I could have stamps from all of the National Park Places that I get to go to all the way through my lifetime. They said I’ll appreciate it one day, but for right now, it is in safe keeping with them because they know that I slobber on all of my little books from my bookshelf.

Our day ended with us seeing all of the lights around the city light up as the sun went down and seeing the Bunker Hill Monument in the background. It was very cold but very pretty, and then we were on the way home on the T train so that I could get warm and rest. We appreciate you, Boston, and how helped to make us into the country that we are today. I really like being free—I don’t even like being held back from climbing—and the people who have come before us in Boston have helped me to be able to climb higher and higher, as high as I want.

Giant Lego Blocks and Rows of Books Longer Than I Can See. The Boston Public Library

On our first full day in Boston, we went walking around all over the place, just looking at all of the beautiful buildings in the city. We took the big train and then went and went and went. I was so excited that I hardly took a nap all day long—I was too busy to be bothered with sleep.

We mostly stayed outside, but when we got to a big building that had a large entranceway we stopped. I heard Mama say that she had wanted to go to that building, the Boston Public Library, for a long time. Mama explained that libraries in the middle of really big cities hold a lot of history and that they were made to be peaceful and beautiful places just to be. She explained that they are usually places for quiet “reflection” and for work, and that is not really what I am good at yet.

First, though, Mama and Daddy sat in front of a big fountain with their coffee and my juice. I looked around at all of the people working and at the buildings all around me. Mama told me that this was called a courtyard and that it was a one of those beautiful places just to be. I love water, so what I really wanted to do was to swim, but Mama said some places with water are for looking and not swimming. I don’t understand—they should all be places to splash I think.

Then Mama wandered off. She does that a lot because she gets her mind really into things (Daddy calls that being spacey, but Mama tells me that her mind just goes to a lot of places at the same time, and I understand, because sometimes I am thinking about my juice, my noodles, and my veggie dogs all at the same time, and I can’t seem to fit them all into my mouth together).

Daddy told Mama that he was going to take me to the children’s department. I’ve been to the little children’s section of the library down the street from where we live, but this was much different. It was open and huge, and there were so, so many books. I love to be read to, but I have been having a hard time lately wanting to hold the books away from the person reading, so Mama and Daddy have to read me really, really short books with only a few words on a page at a time right now.

The library had toys along with the books, too. They even had those little ball things on the twisty lines that you can move around to different places over and over again. Daddy and I played, and a wonderful lady came by and spoke to me and gave me and the other little people big Lego blocks to play with. I even learned to share a little with a kid bigger than me. I handed him blocks and he made bridges out of the blocks that I gave to him.

Before I knew it, though, I was so worn out from playing that Mama and Daddy knew it was time to go. I crawled out all by myself following Daddy, and then I shouted goodbye all the way with the giant echo voice that I had in that big, big building. Then I fell asleep, dreaming happily in my little stroller about the giant place that holds so, so many words in rows and rows and rows of books.

I Love Flying… The Buildings and Big Trucks Sure are Little from up Here.

Mama and Daddy and Me went on a trip to a place called Boston, which is a giant city away from where we live in Richmond, VA. In order to get there, just like when we went all the way over to California when I really, really little, was to fly there in an airplane. I fly when I am soaring in my Daddy’s arms around the house and he makes me a bird, but this is way different. Daddy and Mama and all of the other people are all in this little building with wings called a plane, and we all get to fly—Daddy doesn’t even have to do any work to make it happen like he does when he makes me become a bird.

I know what airplanes are because I see them all of the time in the sky. I watch them and I love them, and I always point at them and go “whatisit?” which is what I say for most things even when I already know like with planes. I have seen them get really big when they are landing. When they are going away, they go up way in the air. And that’s just what we got to do – twice – because we had to go there, but we had to get on another one to get back.

First, to get on one, you have to get scanned in, and there is a long process just to get to where the plane is going to take off. Mama says that it is to keep us all safe. Then you walk and walk until you get to where you get in another line to get on the inside. There were a lot of different planes with a lot of different pictures on them, but we flew Southwest Airlines, which has a heart with wings. Everyone there was so friendly and they all talked and laughed with me the whole time every time that they went by. Mama and Daddy said that is why Southwest airlines is their favorite—because they have a good sense of humor and that everyone there seems really happy to be doing what they are doing.

It wasn’t a full flight, so they let us get in the very back of the plane and I got to look out the little round window as we took off and landed. I loved it so much I squealed with delight, and I even got my own seat most of the time after we took off and I got to move from Daddy’s lap. When I could, though, I didn’t sit still… I just couldn’t I was so excited. I got down and up and down and up, and I got to touch the little Southwest logo that was right behind us, which was shiny and pretty and I wanted to take it home with us, but Daddy told me that it was stuck up there and that it had to stay.

They gave us pretzels and I got a Ginger Ale, and before we knew it, it was time to sit again and land, and the ground got bigger and bigger and bigger and everything became normal sized again instead of looking like things from my little dollhouse.

Thanks, magical Southwest Airlines people, for keeping me safe and happy the whole time. I can’t wait to become a bird in the air again and again and again.

The World is a Beautiful Canvas… Big, Big Crayons All for Me.

Daddy and I went to the store the other day and bought crayons. We had crayons in the house already and I have seen my big sisters doing something called coloring where they make pictures pretty, but I have never had them in my hands for very long before because Mama told me that I wasn’t quite ready for the little ones yet and that I would crush them with my little hands. Daddy got me big, wide ones made for me. They are something called “washable,” which my Mama says is really important because I don’t know what to make art on and what not to make art on yet.

They fit my hands just right, and I can put them against the giant paper pad that Daddy bought and color appears. Daddy sat and showed me how, and he even drew me a picture that Mama read and told me says “I love Dorian” with little sunshines and hearts on it.

I don’t really get how to do it yet, though, because when I put my hand against the paper I get little lines that you can barely see, and when Daddy or Mommy does it, they get bright and darker color on the paper. I sat right on the table, my favorite place to sit (which worries Mama silly) and I drew. I didn’t make any pictures, but I did get some scribbles on there for all the world to see. Daddy said that it is beautiful because all art is beautiful, and it is my creation so he loves it… even though it is barely there.

I love my new crayons most, though, because I can put them in the box and take them back out again, over and over and over. I can also scoot around with them in my hands and they are easy to hold on to. Later, when my hands work more like I want for them to, I can make crayon art like my big sisters, and I will make beautiful pictures like the ones that I see in my dreams. Until then, my crayon friends, you can nap in the box and I will get you out to play and to practice.

Little Glowing Bug Light, I Love You.

Hey little bug buddy right beside my bed. I love you so, so much, which is why I say “ooooo” in appreciation of your green wonder every time Mama turns you on in the morning. You aren’t like the ones that are brighter that Mama says “ouch” and “hurt me” when I reach out to touch them. You are soft and green and I can touch you all that I want because you stay cool even when you have been on for a long time. You keep me company when I am playing in my room and when I first wake up while Mama is getting my food ready. You won’t hurt my eyes in the morning when they are first opening and they are getting ready to be prepared for daytime and sunshine. Thanks for being my buddy, little bug, and thanks for keeping me safe from all of the nighttime shadows, too.

I am the Queen of the World and the Captain of my Ship: The Cart Commander

I have always loved going to stores with Mama and Daddy because I get to get up high in the big cart. I sit in the front like I see all of the other little people do– sitting right in front of their Mamas and Daddies. I have a little strap that puts me in place, but it isn’t like the straps that go all around me like in the car or the jogging stroller—there is just one of them, and I am more free.

I discovered that I can turn backwards, then slide like a snake up, and I can stand the other way. Mama and Daddy seemed pretty stressed by this, and I heard them say the words “fall” and “not safe.” They turned me around and told me to sit on my bottom, but I am not to be deterred. Daddy should know that because my Granny says that he was just like me when he was really little and that he climbed and was something called “stubborn” and that he had a “red-headed” temper when he couldn’t do what he really wanted to do. You’d never know it now… Daddy seems to never have a temper with me.

I went back and back to standing, and they kept putting me back down again, but I won because I never get tired of trying no matter how much I am set back. They held their hands out to keep me from falling, and I spread my wings and I flew. I shouted and sang because I was able to fly like the airplanes that I see in the air above me. I heard Daddy singing something that said “My heart will go on and on” and Mama laughing and saying the word Titanic, but I have no idea what that word means. All that I know is that I flew and I will get to fly again… if the strap is just loose enough for me to wriggle myself free. Until next time, cart ship, until next time my friend.

I Can Reach the Highest Heights… I am a Butterfly, but I am Not Yet a Cheetah

Mama and Daddy have been working with me walking for a while now. They are working hard to help me, and they are holding my hands while I go in circles around the house. I can even go with them holding one hand when I am strong. I am practicing my standing now, and I stand and stand and stand and I balance. I will walk soon, but I am not ready, and when I get ready to take steps forward, my mind tells me that it is not time yet and I sit instead and crawl ahead. I am faster that way.

I may not walk, but I can climb. I have been climbing up and up and up on the couch, on the bed, on the chairs, even on the table. I can get to one place and then another one that is higher up and then another if I put things together like steps. I can even climb an entire staircase, and I can get right back down again by carefully sliding backwards with my little legs. It’s hard work, because the steps are about half of me each, but I can do it because it means getting to other, new places.

One day, not long from now, I will take off. I will take flight, and I will go and go and go and go and go and run and run and run. For now, I will climb to the highest of heights that my little legs will let me, despite my Mama’s and Daddy’s worry, and I will be just fine. Don’t worry, Mama and Daddy… I may stumble, but I know that you will be right there to catch me. You always, always are after all—right behind me, helping to lift me up and make me better when I fall.

My How You Have Grown… Please, Please Slow Down

I am writing this letter to you, Dorian, my beautiful and miraculous daughter. You are over one, and I began this blog to share your life with others, but truly, I began it so that you could have something that you can look back on when you are older. It is a documentation of your life. It is your life. It is you. It is the essence of your personality, which is ever growing. Every passing day, you grow. You get bigger, you get more confident, you show new talents.

You are a bright light, so blinding that I can hardly comprehend it. You are a gift. You are a blessing. You are my life. You are your father’s life. You are loved. You always will be loved and supported by both of us, and you will always know love. Not a day goes by that you have not, and not a day goes by as long as we are living and breathing (and even after, dear, we are still beside you for all of your days).

You are our last. We are raising four beautiful, intelligent, wonderful people, and you are the last of those. We have the privilege to see small people become bigger ones, to become more self-assured, to become… adults. That is why I am writing you. You are now one, only one year old. You will, though, be two before I blink, then three, then four. You will walk. You will speak in complete and well-constructed sentences (I am an English instructor, so you are assured of this as I am a grammatical perfectionist). You will learn history, science, math, English, art. You will have a favorite. You will have favorite teachers and favorite music. You will dream. You will dream of what you can be, and you will yearn to achieve what you wish for most. I hope nothing more than for you to get it. All of it… the world in the palm of your hands. You are a ball of potential, and you have the Earth as a canvas in front of you for you to create what you wish from it. You do, and will, make the world more beautiful because you are in it.

You will hurt. You will fall, you will bleed, you will get bruised. You will cry from that pain, and inside I will hurt each time that you do. You will hurt on the inside, deep down in places where no one can really see, but I will see it, and I will hurt with you. You will be heartbroken, you will suffer loss, you will have disappointment. That kind of hurt is so much more painful than when you fall—and I will want to protect you, but I won’t be able to. I can’t shield you from the world. You have not suffered these things yet, but you will. Your Dad and I will be right there with you, and I can promise that we will hurt more than you each and every time. You may not always choose to see it, but we will be there right behind you, holding you up.

You will grow. Despite your father’s and my best efforts, you will grow faster than I can comprehend. You already are. Your personality shows in everything that you do—you gorgeous and blindingly beautiful girl—and you are well established already in your ability to see the world for what it truly is… and it is a beautiful world if you look through all of the ugly presented to us each day.

Please, my sweet girl, please don’t grow too fast. I look at you every day with joy and happiness, with a love that is so deep and engrained in my soul that it hurts sometimes. Your Dad and I can do many, many things, but one thing that we can’t do is to slow time down. I wish more than anything that we could. My wonder, my life, my child… if I have one piece of advice for you, it is to slow down, when you can, when you know the difference between acting as a child and acting as an adult. Slow down and continue the path of innocence. The life you lead as an adult will be waiting for you, but the life you had as a child you can never, ever get back once you walk past it.

I love you with every single piece of me… not one speck left.

Love always and always and always,
Mama