“Everybody gets stupid sometimes… every day.”
This quote was said to me in the kitchen as I was making lunch. Dorian ran into the room with a sense of urgency to tell me this fact, and just as quickly, she ran out of the room to play. It’s a wise statement, and one that we would be best to not beat ourselves up over.
It’s been a while since I have posted. April of last year to be exact. I could say that we got too busy (we have been and we have been on many adventures that were blog worthy), but honestly the blog never had to stop in the process. I have missed it and it has remained in the back of my mind.
Miss Dorian is now a proud little 5-year-old. The blog was previously done with her actions and her mom’s thoughts, but we are going to switch it up a bit. Dorian has become more of her own person, and therefore, she can now have her own quotes and feedback. I will elaborate on her actions as needed so that things make sense, but little Dorian now has much more of a say in the content that is produced here. Five-year-olds, after all, are funny little creatures, and she has plenty to say herself.
Mama and Daddy and me all go out for walks and runs and play sessions outside a lot. I can go and ride on my little balance bike, and I can run as fast as I can, and I can go and play with the bugs under the rocks and throw little rocks into the water near our little house. I love being outside in the warm, warm sun, and I love to feel the ground beneath me when I run so fast, so fast, that no one can catch me… not even the wind can keep up. No one, apparently, but shadow me.
When I was outside last time, I noticed while I was on my little bike and I noticed that a bigger version of me had made the ground dark in the shape of me, but bigger. I said, “what is that?” because I had never noticed that I had another me following me around before. My Daddy stopped me, and he explained that it was my “shadow,” and that it goes everywhere that I go, all over the place. He didn’t get too much into the “how” yet because he said I wouldn’t understand until I was a bit bigger, but he showed me instead how he had a biggggg shadow and that when you lean down really low that you can make shapes with your hands and move your shadow around the way that you want for it to go.
Then I tried it out myself, and I made my hands move all around while my shadow-hands moved with me. Everywhere I moved, they moved, and Daddy was right… I couldn’t get away from my shadow. My Mama says there is a boy who once lost one somehow named Peter that had to have it sewed back on, but she says not to worry because that can’t happen to me. I’m glad, because I like my shadow Dorian. I am never alone as long as I have her with me after all.
My Daddy is so, so smart, and he says he will teach me all sorts of things as I get bigger. As I tell Mama, I am so, so big already that I am practically grown. I have to admit, though, that I still have a lot of things to learn, and my Daddy is the best teacher that I could possibly have as I figure everything out and as I grow.
“All children, except one, grow up.” — J.M. Barrie
I have been told that I am “beautiful” for a while. I knew what pretty was, but “beautiful”… well, I could not really understand that one. I responded every single time for a while, “I’m not beautiful, I Dorian.” My Mama and Daddy laughed at me, but I was serious. I know who I am… I AM DORIAN.
The other day, though, my sister Adalyn took me upstairs to her room, and she put me in some of her dress clothes that she is too big for now. I tried on dress after dress, and Adalyn called down to my Mama and told her that she couldn’t come up to see what we were doing. Mama usually won’t listen to that one because it can mean trouble, but this time she waited for the surprise.
Then we tried it… the most fancy white dress that looked like a princess dress. It was a teeny bit big on me, but it was just the right one. Adalyn smoothed out my hair and brushed it, and then she put on the finishing touch, blue clip-on earrings that made me just like the princesses that I watch. I felt so very pretty.
When I walked down those stairs, just like a princess would in my fancy shoes and earrings and dress, I felt different. I felt so very grown up and big, but I did not know the word for how I felt.
Then Adalyn said it. She said, “Look Mama, doesn’t Dorian look so beautiful?” My Mama said, “Oh Dorian, you are so very beautiful. You look like a princess.” For the first time, I did not argue back. I knew what it meant, and I was… I was beautiful, just like the flowers outside and the stars in the sky. Beautiful is how you feel. Beautiful is flowers and trees and sunshine and mountains and water. Beautiful is me. I am Dorian, and I am beautiful.
Spring has finally come, and with it are beautiful things in all kinds of colors everywhere. I love seeing all of the bright pinks and whites and yellows and purples that the Earth has this time of year. I stop to see (and smell) all of the flowers. After all, isn’t that what you are supposed to do? I know that it takes longer, but enjoying the world is what us little people do. We are really good at noticing what big people miss sometimes… after all, we are closer to the ground, and we have a better view.
My very favorite flower is the dandelion. My Mama says that is her very favorite too because my Daddy calls her his dandelion, so it is very special for her. Dandelions are “weeds” though so I hear, which is a type of flower that a lot of people want to get rid of. Why they would want to make any flower go away I don’t know, but my Daddy says that they can take over the yard and they can go everywhere with their little blooms, so a lot of people don’t like them because they just want green grass and nothing else in the yard. Doesn’t make sense to me, but big people often don’t make any sense at all, so I just have to go with these things when I don’t understand them.
What those big people don’t understand is that Dandelions are really special flowers because they start as one thing and become another. They start out as little yellow flowers, then that part goes away, and then there are little bitty white fluffy seeds that blow in the wind and make new yellow ones all over the place. This, my Daddy says, is why the are called a weed, because they end up all over the place when the little seeds blow around. There end up being too many, he says. Silly big people… don’t they know that there can never, ever be too many flowers?
I think that my little dandelion friends are beautiful, and I do my part to help them to grow instead of stomping them down. Us little people (and big people who never wanted to grow up like Mama and Daddy) get to grab the white puffballs and blow on them, making their seeds go up in the air into the wind to go to new places to grow. They do this on their own, but I like to think that I am helping nature along to be faster when I spread them around.
I am busy making brand new dandelions, and they are all so very beautiful, just as nature intended them to be. We are all like dandelions if we want to be, beautiful little flowers that are wild and free and can move in the wind.
Here I am, Mama. I got my backpack full of little toys all ready, and I put it on my back all by myself (and that was really tough, but I wanted to do it without help because I am “assertive” as you tell me, so I did). I got my little bike all ready too, and it can take me where I need to go to be at school like my big sisters and brother.
I know that there is “learning” there, and I already know my letters and I know how to spell my name, so I think that I have the edge on other kids my size. I am a very smart girl, after all, and I can handle it. Too short you say? Too young you say? No such thing. I am ready when I say that I am ready… and I am ready right now. Take me, Mama, take me to school and watch me learn and learn and learn some more.
That person right there, the one lifting me up high, high, higher, is my Granny Grace. My Granny is my Dada’s Mommy, and she loves to play with me more than almost anything that she does.
My Mama and Daddy say that I am really, really lucky because I have so many people in my life that love me. They say that if I have more people that love me than I have fingers on my hands that I am luckier than many people in the world. I don’t know how to count on my fingers yet, but there are so many people that I bet that I am one of those lucky ones. My Mama and Daddy tell me that they want me to grow up knowing that I am loved every single day by our family, and they say that as I get bigger that I will understand how very important all of our family is to me.
My Granny is one of those special people who is in our big love circle. She loves to get down and play games with me, to play cooking with me, and to play in my little pool in the water with me. She loves to take me to the park and to slide down slides and to push me in the “little kid” swing. We just play and play and play, and I keep on going until my energy battery is all worn down.
Granny also works hard to make things special for me, and she even made me my own play house to play in with windows and flowers that has a bunch of stuffed animal buddies in there waiting for me. It is just the right size for me, and it even says “Dorian’s House” on it, so everyone will know that it is all mine (although sharing is important she says, and being friendly is too, so I invite people in from time to time… when I don’t need “me” time, that is).
My Granny is a big play buddy, and she is also one of my many protectors in life. We need those, us small people, to keep us safe and warm. Thanks, Granny Grace, for laughing with me, playing with me, and watching me grow.
I found a new place to hide in the little cabinet in the kitchen. It is just my size, and there isn’t much in there so I fit perfectly. I can climb right in when no one is looking, put my feet in and curl up, and take my hand to shut the door gently so that it won’t hurt me and no one can hear me shut it. I am safe in there and no one can find me. It is my special little thinking-hiding spot.
All of the other cabinets in the kitchen have these little lock things that only let the cabinet open a crack for me and I can’t get in (Daddy called this “baby proofing”) because there is stuff in those ones that I shouldn’t have. Daddy, I am a big, big girl now, so I’m not sure about that “baby” part, but I will let it go because you told me that I am not sure what is safe and what is not yet and you are keeping me from getting hurt. I guess you let that one little cabinet be a safe one, though, because there isn’t a lock on it. I found it, Daddy. I find everything.
I am an excellent hider. I think that you guys might just be on to me now because I have hidden there before, but the first time that I did it you all went all around the house calling my name because I was so fast and was “gone” in a second. That’s how little people work—we can be fast and sneaky when we want to be, especially when we are playing a game.
Everyone passed right by me saying “Dorian?” over and over, and after a few times I heard you guys get worried about me. Since you “baby proofed” the house with door handle locks and baby gates and you shut off the dangerous spots, I don’t see why there was any cause for worry, but if a little one gets quiet, I hear that sometimes it means that there is trouble too. I guess I follow you all on that one because of the time that I drew all over the fireplace and the table in permanent marker and the time that I took off all of my clothes in my crib. I was as quiet as a mouse those times, and I knew what I was doing when I didn’t make a peep.
Eventually I put a crack in the little door, and my giant brother Jonah found me first and called out to everyone to show them where I was. Mama scooped me up then—I think she may just worry more than any of the rest of us—and she hugged onto me really tightly even though she was laughing too.
Now I can hide in there and everyone can play the “where’s Dorian?” game with me, which is one of my very favorite games. Now you see me, now you don’t… and now you do, and you don’t, and you do, and you don’t again. If you can’t find me, don’t worry—I am just busy mind-adventuring in my thinking-hiding spot. In there, I can be in a plane or a car or a park or anywhere that I want to be. Bye-bye everyone, I’ll see you after I am done mind-adventuring.
Mama and Daddy and me got to go to a big store made just for go-fast shoes the other day for new shoes for Daddy. His old go-fast shoes had been used so much since Daddy likes to exercise a lot that he couldn’t really wear them anymore. Mom said they were “beaten up and tired.” I work really fast on making all of my shoes beaten up and tired since I move so much and climb so much, so I understand what happened to my Daddy’s shoes. My mom says that just about everything wears out eventually, but she said that you have to wait until things are like that because you shouldn’t be “wasteful.” I don’t really get that lesson yet, but I am working on it. Right now some of my food isn’t eaten because I am not in the mood for it, but I can’t quite yet get the words together to say, “I’d like two tomato slices, one veggie dog, corn on the cob, and a small portion of rice noodles please.” That’s okay, though, because I don’t waste it anyway– I slip things to my doggie Mr. Django when Mama and Daddy are looking the other way.
This was a big people shoe store, not the little person one that we visit when it is time for my new go-fast shoes, so this visit was all about Daddy. Daddy doesn’t ask for much attention and is in the background a lot, so it was good that he got to be the one that everyone was paying attention to… well, mostly anyway, because I did get some attention while I was running around the entire store saying “hello” to everyone, playing with the toys that were there for little kids like me, and, best of all, running up and down the big hallway meant for people to see which shoes were going to come home with them.
While Daddy was picking shoes to try on before running, that hallway was all mine, all to myself. It was so long, and I got to go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth over and over until I was all out of breath and had to take a little rest. Running around is pretty much what I do right now most of the time that I am not sleeping, so I loved it. Mama said something to Daddy about me, “getting worn out” and that I was going to “sleep like a rock.” I think that this might just be a good thing for Mama and Daddy, because usually they are running after me, and I think that I just might wear them out a little and make them sleep like rocks, too.
Daddy came over and started using all of the shoes that had been picked for him to try out after I had been running for a bit, and Daddy and me got to race. Daddy has an edge on me there because his legs are much longer than mine, but I gave him a good run for his money, and once, when Daddy slowed down a bit, I even got to the end of the hallway first (although I think that Daddy just might have let me win on that one maybe).
He found just the right pair after running a bit, and then it was time to pack up and leave. I don’t tend to dwell and I prefer to “live in the moment” as all little ones do, but I couldn’t help but look back at the long hallway as we bought the shoes and packed up to leave. After all, if there is a place to run where it is allowed for little people, I am bound to love it. I was so tired that I napped on the way home, and in my dreams, I was running in the sunlit hallway over and over and over again, and I never, ever got tired… and I got to beat Daddy every time, too.
My Mama loves books and loves reading, and she is teaching me to, too. Sometimes I am so busy that I don’t want to slow down and stop to look at books for long, but Mama is teaching me patience and that being still is a good thing sometimes. She is a teacher for big people, so she tries to teach many people to love reading, even when they are way bigger than me. She says some big people need to learn to slow down and to let their mind get into books, too.
Today we read the baby version of “Pride and Prejudice” a few times in a row because right now it’s my very favorite. It is a short book, and Mama says the big people one is much longer– but she said that I wouldn’t make it through the whole story quite yet. She says that it is a happy ending though, and that the man named Mr. Darcy turns out to be one of the kindest and sweetest people written into a character. My book, though, is a counting book, and it counts some of the things that are in the big book, like “4 marriage proposals.” I know that Mama and Daddy are married, so I know that it means love. Mama says the big book is all about love and finding it in just the right place with the right person, and that sometimes love comes from places that you didn’t think you’d find it at first.
All that I know is that my book is bright and beautiful, and that I can learn all about love when my Mama snuggles in to read with me. Mama says that love is truly the best thing on Earth, and she says that I will always know a love of reading and a love of snuggling because they are some of her favorite things to do with me. I sure am glad about that, because my love for Mama, and my love for that book… they are bigger than I can make into words.